Last Kiss
by iNxC0NCERTx2010
Summary: Songfic: Last Kiss / Taylor Swift. "She sniffed feeling her tears slow. "Thank you." Her voice was quiet, a tone Harold knew all too well. It was a tone that said she had been strong for far too long and needed someone to be strong for her for a moment."


**A/N: This is my first time writing for Gossip Girl. I am branching out in my categories, so brutal honesty is welcomed. This fic is much, much longer than I ever intended it to be. However, that being said, it kind of took on a life of its own and developed itself. I was inspired by the episode in season one [Blair Waldorf must Pie.] and I was specifically inspired by the scene where Eleanor talks to Blair about the Divorce, so some of the text in here is verbatim from the show with some liberties taken to thoughts and emotions. **

Blair looked down at her plate with disgust. How could her mother twist a holiday that was about family and tradition and turn it into something so utterly repulsive, so impersonal, so _lonely? _She pushed the catered food around her china plate with her silver fork for what seemed like an eternity without looking around the various seats filled with her mother's clients and coworkers with a distant relative thrown in ever so scarcely. This wasn't thanksgiving because her father wasn't there.

Her sulking was soon interrupted by her mother's voice filling her ear softly. "Blair, you haven't touched your food. I have no idea what has gotten into you." If she was being honest, she had an idea what had gotten into her, but it was something she never wanted to think of again, at least not without the support of Harold next to her. She had worried about Blair and her eating last thanksgiving, but Harold had been there to assure her that everything would be fine. This year, however, he wasn't there to comfort her fears.

Blair toyed with the napkin in her lap before placing it on the table next to her glass of water. "Well, I was going to wait until after dinner, but I guess now is as good as time as ever." She paused, turning to look at her mother before asking the question that had been plaguing her since Dorota confronted her earlier in the afternoon. "Did you call daddy and tell him I didn't want to see him this thanksgiving?"

Eleanor furrowed her brows, tossing her gaze to her daughter. "Of course not." Her response was immediate with no effort to hide the defense she clearly felt. "What a _ridiculous _accusation."

"So you didn't tell him that I was so angry at him for leaving that I didn't even want to talk to him today?" Blair knew, probably more than she would ever admit how hurt her mother had been after her father left. She knew the strong woman front she put up was only a facade. Late at night, in the confines of her bedroom, she was broken. Even so, that didn't write off the fact that her father was not in New York for thanksgiving. "You had no right to uninvite him." making no attempt to hide her anger.

"When are you going to get it through your head?" She said turning her head discreetly. "He _left_ us."

"He did leave us, he left _you_." Her warm brown eyes that reflected those of her mother became cold as she spoke.

"That's enough." Eleanor scolded Blair with a hushed whisper before lowering her voice, as if to mask the blow that her daughter's comment had brought. "That's enough. If you want to take this up with me, we can discuss this later after our guests have left. Right now you either eat or leave the table." she was not going to let Blair use her father's absence as ammunition to start yet another argument.

"I told you I'm not hungry." Eleanor closed her eyes feeling a pain in her heart as the scene of last thanksgiving unfolded before her.

_"The Canapés were a huge success. Blair, I saved you one." Eleanor declared parading into the kitchen with a plate in her hand._

_"I'm not really hungry." she breezed by her friends standing at the island next to her mother. _

_"Well what does that mean, you're not really hungry?" She became worried when he daughter refused the food and went back over to the table to sit next to Serena and Nate._

_"I had like fifteen of them when daddy made them this morning." She said nonchalantly. _

_"Fifteen?" She said raising her eyebrow at her daughter's revelation. "Do you think that's wise?" she asked under her breath as her husband joined her at the island._

_"Darling, she's fine, she has been for two months. Do you remember what the doctor said? Don't drive us crazy, okay?" He talked in a hushed tone as they watched Blair laugh and joke with her boyfriend and her best friend. _

_She sighed before finally agreeing and accepting defeat. "Fine." she mumbled before accepting a kiss from her husband. _

"Or maybe dessert will change your mind." she tried desperately to seize what little hope was left for the night.

Blair stood up abruptly; ready to take a dessert to please her mother. However, when she reached for her father's pie, there were dozens of catered pies in its place. "Where's daddy's pie? I don't see his pie." She asked, her voice becoming unsteady. Her mother had robbed her of a decent holiday with her father; she couldn't take his pie from her as well.

"Well, there were so many delicious choices coming from the caterer, we sent that one down to the doorman. What is thanksgiving after all?" She silently defended Now choose one of those amazing desserts." She watched as Blair defiantly picked up a pie and stormed out of the dining room and into the kitchen. She turned to laurel, giving her daughter a chance to let out her anger before excusing herself from the table.

She passed the kitchen, not bothering to look over when there was a loud clang and clatter of dishes crashing into the sink. She continued her trek through the foyer and up the stairs and into her bedroom before shutting the door behind her and taking a seat on the end of her bed. She let her head fall into her hands as she felt tears dampen her palms. She wished the door would creak open slowly and Harold would walk in and tell her everything would be okay. He would tell her that he loved her and gently kiss her tears away.

But that was no longer an option, was it?

_XXX_

Eleanor held back a sob as she tried to compose herself; after all, it was rude for a hostess to hide in her room. She had to stop crying and get back to dinner. Hopefully she could convince Blair to come back to the table as well. She gently dabbed at her eyes with a monogramed handkerchief Harold had left for her and examined herself in her vanity mirror.

She sighed deeply, quieting her sobs and letting her shaky breaths fill the otherwise silent room. She mindlessly rummaged through the drawers of her vanity until she found makeup to touch up her tear stained cheeks. She quickly recoated her eyelashes with mascara; however her blood ran cold before she could close her vanity drawer.

She heard the water in the bathroom one door down rush abruptly and forcefully. She closed her eyes wanting to believe her daughter was only washing her face after the brief meltdown she had in the dining room. They remained shut as she heard raucous of her daughter moving around the bathroom before she heard the sound of forced heaves from her daughter's throat through her bedroom wall.

The black tube of mascara fell out of her hand as she suddenly felt all feeling drain from her body. This couldn't be happening, not again. She felt another wave of tears bombard her has they slid down her paling cheeks without her permission. She turned away from her vanity, not being able to bear her own weakness. "Harold," she whispered softly, "I don't know what to do."

She quickly grabbed her phone from her night stand and dialed a number she had hoped to never forget. She was not concerned with humility at the moment, nor was she concerned with pride that would have filled her heart were she in a less emotional state of mind. After four rings his voice finally filled her ears.

"Hello?"

"Oh, Harold." she sobbed into the phone. "I don't know what to do."

"Darling, calm down." his deep voice hardly soothed her sobbing, but there was not much he could do when he was 3600 miles across the ocean. "Eleanor, what is wrong?"

"I heard her." she choked back yet another sob. "I heard Blair throwing up. Oh Harold, I don't know what to do."

"Shh." He gently calmed her. She held her head in her hands, knowing if he were beside her her head would be on his chest as he rubbed soothing circles on her back. "Just give her time. Make sure she is okay, and then talk to her later tonight."

She sniffed feeling her tears slow. "Thank you." Her voice was quiet, a tone Harold knew all too well. He was married to the strong Eleanor Waldorf, but he also got to see a side that no one, perhaps not even Blair, had seen. It was a tone that said she had been strong for far too long and needed someone to be strong for her for a moment.

"Call me and let me know how she is."

"I will." she quietly responded before hanging up the phone and drying her eyes once more. She had to excuse her guests, there was no way she could sit through the rest of dinner after everything that had transpired. She made her way into the hallway and closed her eyes, fighting back tears as she heard muffled tears come from her daughter's bedroom. It broke her heart. She made her way down the staircase and into the dining room. "Excuse me." she gently hit the side of a wine glass with a dessert fork to get the attention of the company around the table. "I am terribly sorry, but my family needs me right now. I hope you will all understand you are welcome to take any of the desserts home to share with your own family." she gestured to the small table filled with desserts. She quietly finished with a "Happy Thanksgiving" before bidding her guests goodbye and retreating back up the stairs.

"Blair?" she quietly knocked on her daughter's door and waited for a response. She heard a small sniffle before the door swung open.

"What?" She asked hoping her mother could not see the faded tears stains on her cheeks or her swollen, puffy eyes.

Eleanor stepped inside, shutting the door behind her as she watched Blair take her place on her bed behind her laptop. "Are you okay?" she asked sitting next to her on top of a bundle of duvet.

"I'm fine." she responded matter of factly. "Why wouldn't I be?"

"Blair..." she hesitated, remembering what Harold had told her. _Give her time. _"...I heard you...with the water running."

Blair avoided eye contact with her mother as stared intently at the screen of her computer. "I'm fine." her tone was cold with no desire to carry on a conversation, certainly not this one.

"I shouldn't have lied to you about your father." she said toying with the duvet under her thigh.

"That never stopped you before." Maybe she was getting somewhere. It wasn't exactly the conversation she wanted to have, but it was conversation none the less.

"Yes, but the real truth..." She watched as Blair finally made eye contact with her. She then showed her a large yellow folder she had received in the mail. "Divorce papers from your father. I'm supposed to sign them and I haven't yet."

"Mom, he's living in Europe. You can't be all that surprised that he wants a divorce."

"But what I am surprised about is how it makes me feel. He was my husband after all..." Her words stumbled as passed her lips. "My Harold. For almost 20 years." Blair watched as her mother broke down before her eyes. Maybe she had been selfish in wanting her father here for the holidays. She had dismissed how it may have made her mother feel. "I couldn't face him during the holidays it was always our happiest time." Blair nodded in affirmation, knowing how happy her parents had been just on a daily basis, during the holidays any passerby could practically feel holiday cheer radiating into from their home all the way to central park.

"Why didn't you just tell me that?"

"And let you choose between the two of us? I wonder who would have won that battle. I would have been entirely alone, I was anyway." She knew Blair had always been a daddy's girl, she knew she needed a mother though. Although she knew she wasn't the best mother when she was having weekly Waldorf Design meetings in Paris, she hoped spending thanksgiving together would make up for that.

"It's still thanksgiving, what do you want to do." She smiled feeling forgiveness grace both of their hearts. After making another pie, Harold's recipe of course, and enjoying it with Blair, Eleanor made her way back upstairs where she planned to enjoy a relaxing fireside bath before retreating to bed. At least one trouble had been solved tonight; the other would take more time.

She gently shut the bathroom door behind her as she waited for her bath to fill. She sat on the edge of the tub, reflecting on the day that had transpired. How had everything gotten so screwed up? Harold was not supposed to be in France, he was supposed to be in New York, on the other side of the bathroom door patiently waiting for her to come to bed. She sighed heavily as a picture hanging on the wall caught her eye. She had never thought too much of its presence, that is until she realized that she was here, and her husband was not.

Her gaze softened as the memory came back to her.

_Eleanor had just made the exhausting flight from New York to Paris for yet another business meeting. She was meeting with potential carriers of her line, and they wanted to discuss what she had planned for the next season. She was still a beginning designer, and she was thankful that she could make these flights on a whim. Though she was sure when she and Harold had a child it wouldn't be as easy, especially when the child was too young to fly. _

_She was notified of the plane's landing and quickly slipped her black cardigan over her shoulders before switching out her heels for flats. The last thing she needed was to be on the pages of a French tabloid falling out of her plane. Once she was sure she had not forgotten anything, she made her way down the steps and onto the French runaway. The smell of late summer rain bombarded her senses. _

_She juggled her purse and shoes, among other things in her hands, making sure she didn't drop anything. Her things, however, quickly became discarded as she saw her husband, Harold, stepping out of the black town car that had arrived to take her to her hotel. _

_"Harold!" she squealed, dropping everything on the ground before running into his arms. "What are you doing here?" she kissed him passionately, not particularly caring what his answer was. She giggled girlishly again when he spun her around. _

_Harold laughed at his wife's enthusiasm. "I thought it would be a nice surprise for you." _

_"This is a wonderful surprise." she said kissing him again and circling her arms around his neck. "I love you." she whispered against his lips. _

_"I love you too, darling." _

_The two were so engrossed with one another that they had not noticed the French paparazzi lurking in the shadows. Normally, she would have been upset with such a public display of affection being plastered in the tabloids, but somehow, she just didn't care. _

Now, that public display of affection was a treasured memory that she wouldn't trade for the world. She would give anything to relive such moment.

XXX

She lowered herself into the tub and clipped her hair up, away from her shoulders. She didn't want to be strong anymore. She wanted her Harold back. Despite what she had been told, and more recently _served_, feelings like the ones she and Harold shared did not simply go away after twenty years of loving one another. This time, it wouldn't be a clean break.

She laid her head back, allowing the stresses of the day to overtake her as she felt herself drifting closer to sleep. Before her eyes drifted closed again, however, she remembered the promise she had made earlier in the evening. She would call Harold and assure him that everything was okay with Blair. She felt bad, waking him at nearly four in the morning, but he had assured her that it would be okay to call at any time.

She relaxed once more as she waited for an answer on the other end. She closed her eyes as one ring led to two and then to three before it was replaced with Harold's voice.

"Eleanor?" His voice was laced with sleep, which should have made her feel terrible, but it only relaxed her as she let her eyes fall closed.

"Darling, I talked to Blair." she said quietly.

"How did it go?"

"She wasn't up for talking, but I genuinely think she is going to be okay this time. I think the stress of the holidays, and not having you here just got to her. It got to all of us." She hadn't meant to let it slip, but her guard was nearly nonexistent when she was tired, tonight was no exception.

"I'm glad she's okay. Tell Blair-Bear how much I love her." He said gently.

"I will." Eleanor smiled hearing her daughter's childhood nickname once again.

"How are _you _doing?" He asked not ignoring her slip.

"Terrible." she admitted honestly. "I miss you terribly."

"Eleanor..." His voice was soft, caring, almost timid.

"I know." she whispered back with tears stinging her closed eyes. "Just let me pretend."

"I will see you in a couple of weeks." he said wrapping up their conversation, just because he filed for divorce, did not me he still did not love his darling wife, his love had simply changed.

"I love you, Harold." She whispered, meaning it with her whole heart.

"I love you too, Darling."

XXX

If tonight was going to be about reminiscing, that is what she would do. She would get all her sorrows out of her system and attack tomorrow as the strong woman, Eleanor Waldorf that demanded everyone's attention and respect. She laid her phone on the ledge before draining her bath and stepping into silk nightgown and tying the matching robe at her waist.

She opened the bathroom door and mentally prepared herself for what she was about to endure. She knew there would be tears, lots of tears, but she also hoped there would be smiles and gentle laughs as well. She turned off the overhead light, dimming the chandelier and leaving her bedside lamp illuminated.

It quickly became clear that the memories were everywhere. She looked at a strand of pearls that lay in an open jewelry box on her dresser. It was her first strand of pearls, her mother's. She had given them to her to wear on her first date with Harold, and she had treasured them ever since that day.

_A sixteen year old Eleanor sat at her vanity, smiling with anticipation. She bounced her dark brown curls while making sure each one was perfectly placed. Once satisfied, she made her way in front of her full length mirror and examined her attire for the evening. She smiled loving the simple blue dress that hugged her body and fell just above her knees. There was something missing though; she couldn't quite place it. Then her eyes lit up, she had the perfect accessory, the pearl necklace her mother had given her. She smiled after clasping the strand around her neck. _

_It was perfect. _

_"Eleanor!" She heard her mother shouting from the bottom of the staircase. Guests must have been arriving. Her parents were hosting yet another charity reception. The thought made her roll her eyes with boredom. However, this one was going to be different, because the Waldorf family was coming, and that meant Harold would be there. _

_She bounded down the steps and smiled seeing the first guests step through the door. She sat patiently and mingled with a few of her friends whom had come with their parents. "Honey, the Waldorf's are here." Her father quietly notified her of their most current guest before handing her an hors d'oeuvre. She then politely excused herself from conversation and met Harold and his family near the door. _

_"Good evening Mr. Waldorf, Mrs. Waldorf." She smiled at them both before greeting Harold. "Good evening, Harold." She kissed both of his cheeks before accepting a hug. "It's nice to see you." _

_She slipped her hand comfortably into his as they paraded around the party. He greeted several students from their school with a handshake and light conversation. He pulled Eleanor closer to him suddenly declaring "I love this song!" _

_"It's Mozart being played on a violin!" she allowed a girlish giggle to pass through her lips as she placed a hand on his shoulder anyway. _

_"So? Let's Dance!" He spun her around eliciting laughs and quiet squeals as he did so. _

_As the music slowed Eleanor stepped out of Harold's embrace pulling him behind her. "Come on." she said without explanation. "There's someone I want you to meet." They stopped near the center of the party near their parents. _

_"Eleanor, I already know my parents." He joked, still holding her hand. _

_"No." she smiled before letting his hand go. "Harold, these are_ _my parents._" _she said gesturing to the man and woman next to his own parents. "Daddy, Mother this is Harold Waldorf." _

_"Honey, we know who he is." Her mother assured her, as they had been friends with the family for quite some time. Her father however caught the new importance to a proper introduction. _

_"Hello Harold." He shook the boy's hand firmly before sending him a smile. "You treat my little girl with respect, got it?" _

_"Yes sir." he reciprocated the handshake before asking to be excused and pulling his girlfriend with him. _

_"Where are we going?" It was now Eleanor's turn to inquire. She quickly looked around and saw that they were on the balcony, overlooking the city. "It's beautiful, isn't it?" she was talking about the city lights, Harold's response, however was directed at her. _

_"Sure is." She blushed looking down at their hands, still clasped together. "How about we finish that dance?" The music could only be heard faintly, but it didn't matter. Eleanor wrapped her arms around his neck and rested her head on his chest as they swayed together. _

_"The reception was the best, by far." she admitted, lifting her head to look into his deep brown eyes. _

_"I would have to agree." He smiled down at her. _

_"I'm having a wonderful-" She was quickly cut off by Harold placing a soft kiss on her lips. _

_"I'm sorry." He immediately apologized after pulling away. _

_All Eleanor could do was smile. "Don't apologize. I thought it was wonderful." _

Tears streamed down Eleanor's face as she recalled one of the first encounters she and Harold had shared. What she wouldn't give to be sixteen and crazy in love once more. She laughed thinking of how shy she had been at that age, nothing like her own daughter. Harold brought out the best in her, and now she would have to continue being that person without him around. It felt almost as if she was experiencing grief after death. She supposed she had to mourn the loss of their relationship before she could move on.

XXX

She turned the lights off, only leaving her bedside lamp to illuminate the large room. She padded over to her bookcase in the corner before pulling an old photo album off the shelf and placing it on the bed. She then got comfortable under her duvet cover and opened the album and saw the first pictures of her and Harold's engagement announcement. They were so happy. She smiled sadly before turning several pages and stumbling upon their wedding photos remembering each day as she saw the photo.

_"Harold, darling, I have to fly to Paris in the morning to discuss what the winter line will entail." she said buttoning up her black pea coat. The chill of the late autumn air in Manhattan was enough to make her shiver. "I'll only be gone for a couple of days, though." she slipped her hand into his, a position which had come to be more subconscious than intentional. _

_"Why don't I go with you?" he suggested, pulling her into a cafe that had been baking fresh pastries and brewing coffee all day. She inhaled smelling the wonderful scents before ordering herself a cup and sitting next to Harold at a secluded corner near the table. _

_"You don't have to; it will only be a couple of days. Besides, what will you do while I am in meetings all day?" _

_He furrowed his eyebrows trying to come up with something to combat her response. "Well," he pondered. "I can sit in the hotel all day and wait for you to come back." he smiled boyishly at her, hoping she had accepted his idea. _

_She smiled up at him placing a gentle kiss on his smiling lips. "I suppose that is acceptable." they both laughed quietly before finishing their coffee and stepping back outside. _

If she had known what that trip to Paris would hold, she would have accepted his plea to tag along the moment he suggested it to her.

_"Ugh." Eleanor walked through the door of the hotel room and sighed with exasperation. _

_"How was your meeting today, Darling?" he asked sympathetically, knowing her sigh could only mean one thing. _

_"It was terrible!" she cried. "The buyers were not fond of what I had planned, which means I have to start all over." she dropped to the couch, placing her head heavily on Harold's chest. _

_"At least it is our last night here, then we get to fly back home." he tried to find the positive points of the day and highlight them for her. _

_A gentle smile graced her lips as he kissed her softly. "I guess that is good." _

_"I do have something special planned for us tonight, though." _

_She began to blush violently as he brushed a stray hair out of her eyes. "Harold! We aren't even married yet." _

_He too blushed before correcting her. "Just special dinner reservations." he did love the way she added 'yet' to the fact that they were not married...but soon, he hoped. _

_"Where are these special dinner reservations?" she asked suddenly excited for their last night in the country. _

_"It's a surprise! Now go get ready!" she quickly scurried into the bedroom where she showered and prepared herself for a night she would surely never forget. _

_Eleanor took a sip of her wine before glancing across the table at Harold. He was different tonight. He wasn't his usual bubbly, outgoing self. He seemed to be... nervous? Was he going to break up with her? That didn't explain the nice restaurant, or the loving behavior. Surely he wouldn't break up with her. Something was out of place. _

_As they both finished dinner they continued their evening with a walk through a local park they had discovered on one of their many trips to the city. It was a place that most tourists were oblivious to, which made it a great place for an intimate walk. _

_"I love you." Harold spoke, filling the silence. _

_"I love you too, darling." Eleanor gently kissed his cheek as they continued to walk. _

_Finally, Harold stopped them in a secluded clearing, surrounded by beautiful, fragrant flowers, yet somewhat hidden from the passing city. "Eleanor, I have been in love with you since we were sixteen years old and I attended receptions at you house." She laughed knowing the exact party where she was sure they had fallen in love. "I have never known a love that is as strong as the love I feel for you. I want to feel this way for the rest of my life. Eleanor..." he gently bent down on one knee and pulled a sparkling engagement ring out of his coat pocket. "Will you make me the happiest man in the world and be my wife? Will you marry me?" _

_"Yes!" she squealed. "Yes! Yes!" He jumped from the ground spinning her around in his arms before placing her back on the ground and kissing her passionately. _

_"I love you so much!" He repeated between kisses before sliding the engagement ring on her finger. _

She looked beautiful in her simplistic white, lace dress and Harold looked handsome as ever in his tux and bow tie. She remembered the day like it was yesterday, though in reality it had been nearly twenty years ago. She flipped page after page feeling her lips stretch into a smile despite the tears that stained her face. Never would she have imagined living a life without Harold, but that is exactly what she was expected to do from this point forward.

XXX

With each photograph that she looked at she could feel herself become a little stronger. She was slowly letting go of the marriage that she had treasured for so long. It looked like the only connection she would have to the past was through these photographs. Her biggest reminder of her lost love however, was her precious daughter. They would always be connected through their Blair, and neither one of them would change that. She was the proof that a part of their love would never truly die, it would just become different.

Though she would miss him, France was his home now, and New York was hers. She closed the final photo album and laid it on the bookcases before snuggling herself back into bed. Tonight, her final tears would fall and tomorrow she would face the day with a brave face. She would dwell on it no more. She would still miss him, love him even, until the day that she died, and she hoped he felt the same. She hoped he pined for her in the same way she had longed for him these past weeks, but they both had to move forward, separately.

She turned the light off as she let her final tears fall. These however, were not of sadness. She shed her tears of regret as she bid his name goodnight. "I'll always love you." she whispered before the drowsiness caused by her emotional purge overtook her and she drifted off to sleep.

**A/N 2: Thank you so much for reading (if you made it through the entire thing...) and please review! Tell me your thoughts whether they be good, bad, constructive, hateful, I want to hear it all! (: xo**

**Song: Last Kiss / Taylor Swift**


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